Ring Fence

Barney was a kangaroo boxing in a booth.
He wasn’t any good at it, and that’s the honest truth.
This Roo was so cack-handed and so unco-ordinated,
That the damage that he did himself deserved to be X-rated.

One day he fought a swagman who just danced and jumped and Jinked.
Poor Barney hit himself so hard he punched himself extinct.
The bloke who ran the boxing ring (the swine) was not a sucker,
and so, without a second thought, he sold him as Bush Tucker.

So Barney met his maker and quite soon, reincarnated,
appeared as various cuts of meat, frozen, packed and dated.
That might have been the end of it, had not a certain felon,
called Fingers Freddy, broken in and stole the lot to sell on.

But Freddy had to have a bit (he was, by nature, greedy),
and was so taken with the taste when he sat down to feed he….
had a mammoth eating binge (unlike his usual sarnie).
After hours of solid munching he had eaten all of Barney.

Not many people know that (proven by statistics),
to eat too much of anything can lead to characteristics,
akin to those belonging to the beast that has been eaten,
sometimes for better, some for worse and some of which repeat on
the trencherman that feeds his face in manner most disgusting,
until his bloated belly seems it’s getting close to busting.

And so it was with Freddy who resumed his life of crime.
He found that he’d go twice as fast by hopping all the time,
He’d stuff his loot into his pouch so he would never drop it,
and when the cops came on the scene he’d simply up and hop it.

And so he fenced a lot of loot, a burglar bold and proud,
until one day he ran into a boisterous football crowd.
Amongst the melee some young chap possessed a ringside bell,
and as he loudly rang it, poor Freddy met his hell.

As he was leaping past the mob at quite a frantic pace,
the bell went, and he slapped himself, quite hard, across the face.
The more it rang, the more he slapped until at last he stumbled.
The police took note, and realised our thief had just been rumbled.

That ended Freddy’s thieving, at least that’s how it’s told,
The cops just had to ring a bell to knock our Fred out cold.
The moral of this story, (and, of course, there has to be ‘un),
Is, thieves should never stuff their face with meat Antipodean,


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