Total Recoil

Tim Trotter was a hypnotist,
Performing on the stage.
He should have been successful
As these acts are all the rage,
But Tim, he had a problem;
People thought he was a fake.
The reason why was clear to see,
His subjects stayed awake.
With swinging watch and steady stare
He gave it his best shot,
But when he said “ You’re in my power”
They answered, “No I’m not”.
So Trotter hatched a cunning plan
To save his sad career.
“I’ll go and see a Mystic.
I believe one lives quite near”.
The Mystic listened patiently,
And opened his big book,
Then scratched his head, and winked his eye,
And said, “Tim Trotter, look
towards the world of reptiles,
It can often give solutions.
That’s fifty quid. Now go,
As I’m performing my ablutions”.
“Ah-ha!” cried Tim. “The penny’s dropped.
I thank you for the chat.
A reptile that can hypnotise?
A serpent can do that”.
So off he went to find a snake,
And bought one from a dealer.
He took it home and thought he’d better
have it for a meal or
Possibly just drink its blood
To steal its serpent powers.
He didn’t know just what to do
And dithered there for hours,
Until at last he steeled himself,
This hypnotist pretender,
To seize the unsuspecting snake
And drop it in the blender.
He held his nose, thought positive,
And drank it down right quick,
And, somewhat unsurprisingly,
He felt a little sick.
Within a week he underwent
A startling transformation.
Every act he did was packed,
Each time a huge ovation
Would greet his quite amazing feats
Of mind-controlling prowess.
No more for him the empty halls,
For he was famous now es….
pecially for his serpent stare
Which so transfixed his victims
That they were helpless in his hands.
Nobody took the mick. Tim’s
Fame and fortune seemed assured.
His life was full of laughter,
But could he ever really be
So happy ever after?
Well, I heard tell, not long ago
From one of his relations,
That Tim was having quite a time
With dreadful complications.
He often flicked his tongue out
When he didn’t really mean to,
Which meant in pubs and bars and clubs
He sometimes got a seein’ to.
And, even worse, when down the Gym
( Where people are quite choosey ),
He just stood up, right there and then,
And hissed in the Jacuzzi.
And on the beach, he caused a scene
One day when he had been there.
When he got up to walk away,
He simply left his skin there.
He has to go round in diguise,
In glasses and a wig,
Because the farmer’s after him
For swallowing his pig.
So let that be a lesson then.
It’s nice when people fete yer,
But you may pay an awful price.
Don’t interfere with Nature!


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